I am so sad today, tears roll down my eyes............My fyp, the logic, is not there... The more I think about this, the more I am scare..... Y..... Y not one is beside mi at a time like this......

Havent been blogging for a few days le. These few days is just moody, dun feel like doing anything other than playing MS. My mood keep swinging. Lol. Been trying to help girls rather than guys. Sometimmes, dun even know y I am helping. Mine even cannot make it le, then y help ppl?

Today, didnt do fyp again. Been 'trying to help friends' again. Haha. Not much of a help. First time this semester felt so stress.

After 'helping' ppl, decide to change my blog skin. Browse a few, this blog skin now, is more of a femine color, but, it is really lovely.


I have finally realize sth. I felt so lonely during this fyp days. I really wish to have someone to accompany mi til the very end. Friends, when u ask them out, they just ignore u. When they need help, they would keep asking for u.

Sis, a funny thing to say is that sometimes u say I force u to go out with mi, u r willing to go with mi. I am really happy cause my thinking is fix at one way. How I wish I could correct my thinking. How I wish I could have true friends. How I wish I could have friendss by my side when I need them..........

Sian...Loving a nut..... I have a crush on u.....Didnt u know? I like u so much, miss u so much..... Hoping for a chance...........



Sicker and sicker thinking of u everyday.............cant even do fyp

Today, doing fyp in sch wif her. Haha. lame. Dun put name. Kiwi finally(almost)finish fyp. Need some checking. Thanks to her, my concentration is full today. But, after today, we may not c one another again. Lol. Haiz. Cant c her, cant do anything. How I wish I m not so emo. How I wish to say this out, after the fyp. Haha...... I dun mind the result.

I am so lucky to meet u. Just now, I wish I've stop u from getting off the bus, dunno y. I really lost in her le ma? I dun wan her to lose concentration on her fyp.........

Y am I like that................
Sob, sob, sob.... Kiwi dun wan her to leave.

Not myself these few days

Haiz.... Today, this afternoon, after her reply, i got moody, cant concentrate on my fyp. Becoming my old self. I walk ard the library, chat wif my friends then came back to do fyp, at first i couldnt start, then I done sth, finally. Read my sis blog, ya, yesterday did sth , suddenly walk away from her & her friend. Ha. I dunno y. Today, almost two different person now. Y? keep asking myself. Is kiwi really have a crush on her? I do not know. Yesterday doing fyp keep thinking how to do my fyp. Then seeing her wif other guy, kiwi also a bit jealousy. Haha. Well, been thinking over & over.

Try :


1. To finish fyp
2. Not to think of her
3. To help friends
4. To stop playing game





After the coding part, guess she wont need my help or wanna even c mi....

Kiwi...............I hate u............I hate u so much....................U r sick..........Go and Die...............Go and Die...............................

Sry, sry, sry................sry, sry, sry.............................



YYYYYYYYYY. Wat happen to mi...... Y sudden mood change? Perhaps u havent change a bit, kiwi. Changes, huh? Wat for change? just for ppl, or urself? Nth change after this ma...

Haiz, today is Valentine day. Early in the morning woke up, go to sch to meet TP. Sian. Dun wan to go out. Cant help TP to solve his problems then he sian and didnt do anything. I need to do fyp, concentrate. but go home play game. Nana got to see the prototype in 2 days time.
Today, I rush to her, but didnt help her much in fyp. Dare not look at her, dare not talk to here. Assume that she is not there. Kiwi got a funny thought... Haiz.. She also kind of sad. Dun know y? For quite sometime, the chse is so quiet. TP and the rest make jokes abt mi, haiz...They too stress le. Gave her chocolates and then left.

Kiwi gonna be crazy..............................................

I wanted to give u sth for valentine day. Not because of any reason, but cause u r a special friend to mi. Been thinking.....can hardly slp. Cant even do anything. Need ur motivation. Need to c u...So depress. So desperate to c u. Giving u things on this day, scare we nvr be friends again.... Wat am I thinking? I am willing to spend $$ on u. Sorry for not replying to u. It doesnt matter the result, I knew the result le, but still gonnna do rather than regretting things u nvr done. From that stupid blog of mine til now. Fell so deep cant get out. Sitting there beside u, I dare not look at u. I know that I am not ur type of guy. Sry

Y again? Y must I do this to myself?

Sth is missing, but wat?
Didnt do fyp, playing ms all this days..........

Nth to blog today. I finish my avfe proj. Didnt do fyp. Tml wish to start. Pls help motivate mi. Anyonne?

3 thoughts during CNY

1) While watching a movie on tv. Realise sth. U wan sth cause that sth is taken by someone else. Losing something to somebody else and regret. And then u will know how precious it is to u. I might as well grab that chance before anyone.

2) Thinking of, if I die, who would I first think of? Perhaps is my family, or someone else.... Which is it so important to mi?

3) Everyone is given a song entitle to him/her. Everytime I listen to, I will remember them, I wont forget them. Every event we had together. I pictured it in my mind.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

CNY Eve. Yeah. Doing fyp & avfe for a while.
Then play MS. Hehe.

Today, completed my sales person side of the system. Yeah...But too many errors.
Sian today, keep doing fyp, cant chat cause the rest all doing fyp. So gloomy.

Today, wanna say sth that I have been thinking of since I am working. I keep wonder y so ppl, come to watch movie, one malay, one chinese. Haha. like couple sia. But Singapore is really a multi racial country. Many sort of 'couple' from different races watching movie. Really close friends. I could smile during work, not because I need to, I am really happy cause...i dunno. Everytime they smile back, is like a satisfaction. Lol. That stupid blog of mine need to delete away. Anyway, think holiday didnt work ba. Do fyp, do IS, do, do, do.

Yesterday, morning before going to work, my sis is having a fever. Ask her to rest, dun do fyp. She didnt reply much back.

Dun know if I have been cheated ma. Mei Bing wanna change shift wif mi saying she got some problem, but is Lyettnet who is asking to mi. I saw Mei Bing smiling away when I am working. Nvm la. I dun wan to know the truth. All candybar staff working during my shift, mostly r female & Malay. Haiz... Got one time I turn to my right and look at other staff to see got anything to do, then the Malay girl, Mei ask y I keep smiling...Like I must look gloomy during work. Lol. Then I turn to my left since there is nth to do ma. My first trainer,another Malay girl, dunno how to spell her name, first time saw her smile, she also ask mi y I keep smiling, got cio bu arh... Aiyo, must serve ppl must smile. Found out that a girl that can speak chinese and look quite like a Chinese, but is exactly a Malay. Ask her how come can speak Chinese and she said she learned it in K1, then father stop her from learning. She is a funny girl, told mi that she have yet seen a 'yan dao' for the past few hours. She also said that she saw one in JP GV. She say that guys that r attach also not that 'yan dao'. The Malay girls there is not really that fiece after all. They r really friendly & pretty. Haha.

Smsing back to my sis at midnight cause cant reply during work time. She dun know how to do sth for her fyp. So late didnt slp. Came home ard 12 plus. Didnt do fyp, got play MS.

Today, going off to work soon, din do fyp. Tml not working also, haha. Someone change shift wif mi le. She need $$, dun know is the truth ma? I dun wan to think of anybody lying to mi. Rozmail, sry, I hope to work during the CNY, I got no hong bao to take. Haiz.. Like no $$ like that. Do fyp of course I will do but I think I can do at home le. If I cant I ask u out to do lor. The Spongebob movie I confirm by tml. Hehe.

Today, slept at 5 am. Woke up at ard 11pm, straight away on my laptop and quickly start my fyp. Dun wanna be left behind. CNY got work. Got hong bao na. Hehe. I wan. Mi, didnt go back home to celebrate, thus, Ringgit really little lor.


These few days, not been having enough slp, dunno y !!! But my mood have started to change, having a 'didnt do fyp 1-day can die' haha else I really die. Got to do tourism also.

Every minute,, every sec, u r in my mind? yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?



Seeing ur blog now, u r trying so hard to focus. I wish u all the best.


Anyone free doing fyp nxt wk. Haiz. sian. Dun know nxt week sch got open ma.... I wan to do fyp leh.

Updating 2 days blog, since my sis hate mi so much le, I guess can write more here. Everytime how I wish I wasnt writing any blog. Every blog is all sad memories, y isnt there any happy ones?

Monday 31-1-05
Wasnt my day. Cant concentrate on my work and wat I am doing. Very depress. Losing a sis and a gd friend. Thats all........

Tuesday 1-2-05
Here, writing my blog, crying. Blaming myself for wat I have done. I deleted her from my blog. She is happier now, I think. That day saw ur blog after our arguement, u say u dun have a bro. Hurt. I been wondering wat started the arguement and y? Wat am I trying to say to u? Wat r our assumptions? This morning at 2am, lying in bed, I cant sleep, staring at the ceiling kept thinking of Nad. The days during our ITP & going out wif her. I cant forget it. It is all my fault losing a friend/sis. Haiz. Writing all this is just temperary because this is how I felt for now. Words put in any where is hard to change, so action does the rest. Y? Y am I so stupid? Cound't make any friends? Now, even make them go away...... Feel like dying.

I dun wanna compare anything. U at least got chse friends, got ppl chasing u, u r lucky. For mi, I kept myself at home everyday, practically doing nth. From Pri till now. Hardly any old friends. Before I came to NP, one of my friends told mi that he hopes I am not at the same class as him. No one to talk to, no one to help mi, share my thts, believe in mi. Felt so lost. Ppl just treat mi as some kind of tools. I dun wanna make any enemies, trying not to lose any friends cause I have a few.

I try to chat wif them nowadays, no one responsed. I take initiative to ask to chat. No one takes the initiative to chat wif mi before. No one even go 'shopping' wif mi before. U help mi c sth in this world. I met u, I live a far more different life. I like the way I am now, but now, I have started to go back. Way back.

I am the one who is always the odd one out. Every time when I go out wif Rong Ming, Din, Anizah & Hazel, I am always the odd one. Everytime looking at them laughing talking to one another. I dun feel like talking cause when I talk, it is all about work, sch work, fyp .... It irritates ppl. I dun have any common interest as wat they have. Hate scoccer, car, almost everythings that guys really like.

I wan u back. Could I ever? Hope u will not hate mi for this. Nad, I will always remember u ass my sis & not a friend.